What's worse - being out of toilet paper or food?

I am writing this blog to record some of the wackier recipes I come up with to feed my increasingly faddy family. What better day to start than the one on which we seem to have run out of not only food, but - horrors! - toilet paper, too. I wonder which is worst?

I should stress that there is no connection between the over-use of double-ply-extra-soft-recycled in this chaotic home, and the meals I cook. My cooking is almost always eaten with pleasure, and if there is too much call for the other stuff, it's probably because they eat too darn much of it.

The cast of our small family drama includes:

• one man - yes, poor thing - who can't stomach pine nuts or large helpings of pizza, turns his nose up at fish and asparagus, but loves almost everything else (especially curry and gummi bears)
• one eldest daughter, who, at fifteen, loves her junk food, although the more junk she eats, the thinner she gets; hates fish and mushrooms, loves butternut squash and mashed potato with lashings of ketchup, refuses fatty meat and picks out her peas, but has double helpings of parsnips and broccoli; lives off tea and chocolate when allowed to
• one youngest daughter who decided she was a vegetarian some years ago and has stuck to it religiously - won't eat anything that was once breathing, or vegetables (particularly not mushrooms); lives off egg fried rice with sea weed, sesame seeds and soy sauce and, when she is allowed it, icing sugar on almost everything else
• one grandma, who will eat tiny portions of absolutely anything except muesli, easy on the chilli and the alcohol
• myself - a working mum who will eat anything at all, (although only tolerates blood pudding under extreme social duress), as long as someone else cooks it

There were three for tea this evening, and we only had pasta. No cheese, no cream, no tomatoes, absolutely nothing to make a sauce with, and no meal that all three of us would eat. So this is what we had:

• eldest daughter - pasta with baked beans on top and a once frozen corn on the cob which I really didn't fancy
• youngest daughter - pasta with two vegetarian hot dog sausages, olive oil and a once frozen corn on the cob
• me - pasta with a sauce made from frozen peas and a teaspoon of mint sauce with pan-fried salmon and a dollop of mayonnaise; it was gorgeous! Absolutely scrummy.

We were all happy, there was minimal washing up due to my clever pot-saving cooking methods and even the dog was pleased with half a veggie hot dog. It wasn't until after we had finished the meal that I realised my mistake. What goes in must come out, and there we were with one diminishing pack of tissues between us! What's worse - no toilet paper or no food to speak of? Definitely the soft white tissue on a roll, mate.