Make war on the deficit

I really don't want to pay any more taxes. I'm way over my limit, tax wise, as it is. I pay tax in every which way you can think of, and it hurts. I don't want any more pain, thanks. And as for cuts in services - we have great services in this country. I know people complain, it's a national hobby and all that; but the service we have been getting from every institution lately has been nothing short of fabulous. Sadly, even the tax department has become more efficient. And helpful.

So I'm very depressed about the election. No matter who wins - and let's face it, it's not going to be the outcome I'd like - there are going to be tax increases and service cuts. Life is going to be harder, people are going to be angrier and the media is going to report such doom and gloom that we will all flinch before we listen to the news or pick up a newspaper. Who wants that scenario? Seriously?

I had a thought. How about, instead of being forced to pay more taxes for less, we band together and voluntarily wage war on the budget deficit? We could have a big campaign, collect money in the streets, have a telethon, get the kids involved. Rich people could send their political party donations to the campaign; poor people could dig their 20 pences out of the furniture; middle classes could join sponsored events, like a sponsored 'no whingeing' day/fortnight/month/year. Rock stars could hold concerts, Simon Cowell could make a record, and all over the country the contents of swear boxes could be poured into a deficit-reduction mountain.

Councils could have deficit-reduction meetings catered for by deficit-reduction charity organisers. Towns and villages could compete for the title of 'Best Deficit Reduction Contributor 2010'. Secret millionaires could publicly declare their compassion by donating money to the deficit-reduction fund on television; well-known millionaires and billionaires could change their domiciles back to the UK and become Lords, receive gongs and fancy titles and have tea with the Queen. The Queen could do her part too, come to think of it, and Prince Charles could grant funds to young people's deficit-reduction enterprises.

Even children could make a difference. They could have non-school uniform days where they dress up in their best designer clothing in order to donate a pound to the kill-the-deficit fund; they could even hold sponsored be-nice-to-a-teacher days, which would have the added bonus of reducing dumbbell incidents. And teeny tots could could hold workshops for adults in which they explain the concept of 'no, you can't have that until you've earned the money'.

I think we could do it. Together, we can. Let's leave things as they are - no Government department name changes and the expensive reordering of stationery they entail, no increase in VAT which just leads to poorer farmers and manufacturers, no cuts in health care, education or family support, no job losses, salary cuts and the strikes and unrest they bring, and above all, no media doom to ruin the first few minutes of everyone's day. Isn't that worth fighting for?